Mary Fichtinger

Lord, teach us to bring to justice and to love mercy. May we ever walk in humility before You. (Micah 6:8)

It’s Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. Today I am humbled, awestruck, and profoundly grateful for the leaders God has appointed throughout history to defy oppression and injustice, and to boldly proclaim what GOD ordained: all men and women are created equally. We are all knit together in His very image, all filled with His very breath of life (Genesis 1:27, Psalm 139:14).

It is the mighty justice and tender compassion of the Father to defend the vulnerable and the weak (Psalm 82).

It is the unfathomable patience and fierce mercy of the Father to wait for oppressors to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9), to wait for violence and wickedness to reach the critical point for complete purging (Genesis 15:16)… and to chastise especially His own as a call to repentance (Ezekial 33:11).

Most of our readers have not endured living in a society that at large reproaches their very existence. Most of us have not felt what it is to be disallowed basic human rights because of who we are: where we come from, what we look like, who our ancestors are, what our economic, educational, or social status is. It is antithetical to the American dream, even as we see domains in our modern society where real inequality still exists.

Consider for a moment that racism is still occurring (the national news has told the story loud and clear these past couple of years, and God help the church be the quickest to repent and most devoted to bringing justice according to the ways of Jesus). We are arguably most responsible for acting and advocating for justice in our own communities, but some of us are also quite clearly called to respond to it on larger scales through leadership positions in society (Amos 5:15).

We must also be keenly attuned to the voiceless (Proverbs 31:8). We routinely hear the anguish and anger of peoples who speak up (some mournfully, some raucously) for themselves. But today as you read your email over coffee, Tigrayan families in Ethiopia, Uyghurs in China, non-Hindus in India, and many other people groups are being systematically driven from their homes and murdered. Genocide is happening today. Corruption pervasive throughout Central and South America has driven millions from their homes; many of them huddle at the southern border of the USA. Worldwide almost one third of all new lives end in induced abortion rather than the freedom to draw a first breath and be welcomed into warm arms.

Currently, over 340 million of your brothers and sisters in Christ are facing high levels of persecution and discrimination because they recognize Jesus as Lord. It has cost them their families, jobs, reputations, homes, places of worship, freedom, and lives. These are our friends and colleagues. Some of them are you.

Injustice has wracked the world since Cain’s contempt murdered his brother. Jesus grew up under political oppression, economic hardship, social stigma, and religious persecution. He was despised for who He was, targeted by murderous mobs, falsely accused before insecure authorities, and sentenced to death for the sins of other. He knows. He told us it would get worse, and He walks with us through it.

Dr. King proclaimed his hopefulness the day before he died 54 years ago:

Well, I don’t know what will happen now. We’ve got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn’t really matter with me now, because I’ve been to the mountaintop. And I don’t mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will. And He’s allowed me to go up on the mountain. And I’ve looked over. And I’ve seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land!

I love receiving Christmas cards with letters of family updates and reflections on what God is teaching others throughout the seasons. Perspective plays such a crucial role in our understanding and experience of life, and stepping back to gain a broader view is of great value. We are programmed to tend to the immediate and the urgent, when really the consistent and the important are the necessary anchors. This is why God calls us to remember. Here is a look back over our 2021.

In the Nations

Sports Friends workers continue to pour the love of God into families and communities that suffer from economic, relational, and spiritual poverty. The passion of the Spirit to reach everyone everywhere with the good news that God longs to draw them close and that Jesus has opened the way drives our leaders and coaches to press in and press on. Relief work is ongoing. Expansion is picking up speed across North and South America, Asia, Africa, and Europe. The last two years have redefined society and social geography with pandemic, poverty, persecution, and power struggle. Sports Friends accepted this as opportunity to feed the hungry, welcome the refugee, encourage the lonely and bring hope into the darkest places… and now we are doing so in five additional nations.

This is what Jesus does in response to the suffering and sin of the world. He shows up with mercy, compassion, presence, help, and hope. He shows up with packages of food and bars of soap, a family and a friend, an invitation to play ball, the promise that He is with us to the very end. He is there for it all, in it all.

Covid continues to wrack all nations. I, Mary, still play a part-time clinical role to help shoulder the burden on local urgent care/ER. Burnout among both international mission workers and domestic healthcare workers is very high. It’s difficult to watch. I always want to be able to do more than I can, and often think of Jesus’s reminder to His disciples that the [sick] will always be with you, and we have to guard time “off” to deeply be with Him.

In the Office

In 2002 a finance guru from Charlotte and a skilled soccer coach, both passionate to spend their lives on the assignment God would give them, moved their families to Ethiopia to begin something new. They cast vision among Ethiopian churches according to the Biblical model of the church impacting its local community to the ends of the earth. They also knew the influence of good coaches on young people and saw how kids everywhere flocked toward a soccer ball. God blessed and empowered the humble leadership, undeterred faith, and diligent labor of these men and the many He called to join them. This same model of church-centered sports ministry is now at work in 11,600 local churches and church planting sites. There are more than 13,200 volunteer coaches currently engaged with young people in their communities… and the refugee camps, prisons, restricted access locations, and schools God has given them to serve.

This year marks the 20th anniversary of the Sports Friends ministry. As part of the communications team, we are creating a publication to tell this story, and we hope you will celebrate with us as it is released this spring. Again, to maintain perspective we must commit to remembering and rejoicing over what God has done and is doing, especially when it’s beyond our immediate point of view. The incredible numbers in these reports reflect His vastness and sovereignty, but each individual life tells the story of the humble intimacy of Jesus.

As the ministry expands to new nations and new depths, there is always increasing work for the international support team. Thank you so much for allowing us to fill our roles and continue to equip and encourage the church around the world. We are truly a Body all working together for all to hear.

There is also heavy work of learning going on in our home office. Mary continues full-time graduate studies in Psychology through Regent University online, working towards a PhD in trauma and crisis response. What all God intends to do with this remains to be seen, but the direction is clear. Just as in medical studies, creation tells of the Creator, the fall, the redemptive work of God within the psychological realm. And once again, from the complexity of a neuron’s firing to the effect of social situations on decision-making, if science teaches us anything, it is how little we really know about anything. There is always infinitely more. We are wise to stay small in our own eyes, learn (from reliable sources) continually, and ever look to the Author.

On the Home front

2021 was an eventful year for the Fichtinger family! Here’s the quick recap:

Habiba turned 21 and spent her first year on her own! She has an apartment in Charlotte with three roommates, works in a cafe, and is beginning pursuit of a dental hygiene degree. She is so courageous, creative, and kind.

Fetya turned 18, worked hard to finished high school early, and moved in with a friend to begin her pursuit of independent young adulthood. She is smart as a whip, driven to succeed, and a woman of influence.

The boys are still at Providence Classical School. They all played middle school soccer last fall, participate in extracurricular activities, are engaged in church/youth group activities, and love being with friends.

Samuel (almost 14, 8th grade) is an intelligent and introverted thinker; he’s a great friend, fights for moments of solitude, and is a servant leader (he was team co-captain and won defensive player of the year for the soccer team… his brothers even voted for him).

Abe (13, 7th grade) remembers every name, date, or story he hears, loves to laugh (and make others laugh), and is a delightful blend of growing character and goofy giggles. He is ridiculously social and can talk with people of all ages about most anything.

Eli (11, 6th grade) loves relationship and playing games; he is incredibly creative with lego architecture, marker art, and story lines enacted with action figures or neighbor kids. He raked leaves around the neighborhood to buy himself a punching bag on Black Friday, and declared he wants to be either a professional boxer, an NFL player, or a teacher.

Anna is 4 and began kindergarten early (also at PCS). She seems to be a blend of all the others; she carries great courage, assertive zeal, a sharp mind, constant drive for social interaction, and a wild imagination. On any given day she may be a cat/dog/penguin/rabbit/tiger, a ballerina, a warrior, any Disney princess, a doctor/vet, teacher, mother, or singer/dancer. But she is always fancy, always an artist, always wants to give a live unicorn as the perfect gift for anyone, and is always in charge of her world.

Shiloh, (a golden retriever) was our new addition in May. We adore her but are glad she’s outgrowing many puppy behaviors. She is training toward therapy dog certification. She already is a comfort and companion within our home, and encourages many in public (people love her and she loves them back).

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Whatever comes in 2022, may you seek and find the presence of God with you, draw deeply from His grace, and carry the peace and power of Christ for each moment on earth as it is known in Heaven.

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe, so that you will overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. -Romans 15:13

Overflowing with hope. Praise God that this is His intention for us. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, the wise man said in Proverbs 13:12. But we set our hope fully on the grace to be revealed when Jesus, the Messiah, is revealed (1 Peter 1:13). Our hope is Him: not only when He physically returns to earth, but in our present days as He reveals Himself in and to us.

The past year and a half have changed the entire world in innumerable ways. It has also changed our lives and so our ministry. This is most evident in my (Mary’s) experience, but obviously impacts the whole family. There has been a necessary shift in focus and work, but we have seen the gentle leading of the Good Shepherd every step along the way.

Twenty years ago, when I gave my irrevocable yes to Jesus, I was all-in. I was as ready as I could have been to follow Him anywhere, and I felt specifically called to “the hard places”. I interpreted that to mean physically, geographically, spiritually difficult terrain. Places a lot of people just didn’t want to go, but where people were living and dying without ever hearing the good news that there is a Savior sent for them.

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I’ve had a taste of those places, carrying the love and Word of God into eight different nations and all sectors of society: urban streets and parks, hospitals, prisons, garbage cities, orphanages, remote villages, famous marketplaces, administrative offices, slums, tent hospitals, classrooms, cornfields, airplanes, ancient ruins, and the world wide web, to name a portion. Some destinations did seem “hard”, and some almost too comfortable to believe that I was in the right place. While undeniably adventurous, I can’t say this is was my idea of a dream life before Jesus turned my world upside down and inside out… and a little more like His.

This year, “hard” has come more experientially, and with faces quite familiar to man. I suppose in many ways it has been the universal hard of growing up and learning perseverance while keeping a soft heart and walking in the light. “Hard” has come in the form of events, relationships, and wounds that are deeply personal not only to others I can walk alongside of, but also to me. In many ways my life became a harder place than I’d ever known before, and this happened by the sovereign and good design of the Almighty. It came by following Him to the impossible (for me) expressions of His heart: passionate love for the vulnerable and incapable everywhere. Medical care that faced acute trauma and death regularly. Loss of children. Adoption of (multiple older) children. Global travel with a large and somewhat unstable family. Hard has come as exhaustion, rejection, persecution, neglect, isolation, assault, confusion, loss, helplessness, fear, inability, and unspeakable sorrow… besides facing my own sin, and all of those issues in the lives of other people I love. Though I’ve delighted to deliver fresh new babies (physically and spiritually), far more often I found myself engaged in constant battle against dark forces of death and destruction.

The hardest place I have yet discovered was over the past year and a half, during a relapse of clinical depression accompanied by PTSD. Why I could have such diagnoses is not uncommon or surprising, given genetic predisposition, lifestyle, and experiences associated with the adventures I listed above… things I know came to me because I followed Jesus through other hard places.*

While spiritual health is a central piece in the mental health puzzle, psychological illness is often not sourced primarily from one’s own sin. Our own sin is compiled with the sins of others that profoundly affect us. Mental illess is also as physiological as hypertension, IBS, gout, or asthma, but even more effected by psychological and emotional strain. It is a bit trickier, also, to recognize and take captive every dark thought than it is to not buy donuts…

As it is, I had to seriously pursue Christ-centered and truthful understanding of these matters because they became my life’s complications. The experience of pain began to far overshadow joy, and suffering demanded far more attention than beauty. (If you’ve never experienced depression, not as a mood but as an illness, it can feel like falling into a pit with high, dark walls impossible for you to scale by yourself. It can feel like being perpetually suffocated, but never dying. It can feel like the soul’s concentration camp, starving to death while being driven to keep the pace day after day after day.) I’ve had one serious bout with depression before, but this time it came with a fury I could not have imagined survivable.

This time it reared up right before Covid struck the earth, and it came with PTSD at its side. (There will be more written about this because I think it’s tremendously important for us as believers to understand as much as we can about mental illness and how deeply Jesus cares about it. It matters both for our own sake and most certainly for the sake of loving others well. For now, I’m just giving you an overview.) So I have spent the past 15 months in intensive trauma counseling/work with a God-sent, God-fearing and excellent trauma therapist. I have an amazing, board-certified, believing psychiatrist that humbly and zealously serves missionaries bearing uncommon stressors. (I actually got connected to his group at the medical missions conference in 2019, noting their services to be a valuable resource.) I have rested my body, my mind, my heart with great intention. I have limited my activities and work, and even abstained from DART deployments since last April, prioritizing time for healing and honoring my present limitations, however much I dislike them.

This spring I discovered another new limitation: rheumatoid arthritis, again likely triggered by overwhelming stressors. Again explainable, but not the type of hard I had anticipated. Again, the way I did everything had to change, from how I held a pen or if I could handle my suturing tools or braid Anna’s hair… to how long I could grip a steering wheel, walk on level ground, or even think before exhaustion overtook me. The last four months have been filled with appointments in neurology, rheumatology, chiropractic, functional medicine… in addition to my trauma work, kids’ needs, and various work and ministry responsibilities. It’s been a lot. I am so thankful to say that all of my symptoms are much improved and I can do most things again, just more slowly, gently, with more rest in between, and more stretching and mobility exercises. I am also so thankful the kids are mostly older and can help a lot. The boys are certainly learning how to routinely use their strength to serve the weaker.

I do continue to work in urgent care to cover the kids’ tuition, confident that God has directed us to their schools. The schools are excellent and founded on Biblical worldview, but obviously require funding. I’m careful to work in double-coverage sites and schedule shifts as sustainably as possible, and so far it’s been manageable. (If you have desired to contribute to the kids’ tuition, we use their SC 529 plans for some tax benefit; please just shoot us an email for a link!)

Bob continues to work full time with Sports Friends, and they have been busy! I still write for their blog and other publications as needed, but have stepped back from further engagement at this time. It remains a delight to receive and write up stories about what God is doing through sports coaches “stuck” in poverty and pandemic. If you haven’t checked out the blog lately, please do!

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The most experienced psychologist or observer of human nature knows infinitely less of the human heart than the simplest
Christian who lives beneath the cross of Jesus.
-Bonhoeffer

Besides/alongside my new weaknesses, the Lord has been moving me in a new direction that does accommodate an overall lower-adrenaline lifestyle. A significant focus in medical missions over the past year and a half has been to better address mental health needs worldwide, both inside and outside the church, with a particular emphasis in recognizing and treating psychological trauma, not just physical trauma. The pandemic has absolutely multiplied this already-huge need. You remember I did training with Trauma Healing Institute last fall, and I believe Jesus is leading me in deeper. I’ve enrolled in online classes for an MS in Psychology, likely in pursuit of a PhD. Over the past 10+ years, my ministry and secular careers and personal life both have made me profoundly aware of the need to serve people well where their spirits, minds, and bodies all intersect.

People are suffering, including millions within the church. The young and the old, the rich and the poor, the faithful and the doubtful, and everyone in between. I want to serve them, well-informed with the best understanding God has given, and to help others learn how to do so. Please pray for me in this endeavor, for God to provide everything we need to accomplish this learning. Pray He will continue to prepare me to be a voice for the vulnerable (I am among them) and join others in speaking His heart and healing ways into mental healthcare.

Please let us know how you are! We love to pray for you and hear what you’re up to!
Thank you so much for being with us. It is the greatest gift to know we’re not alone.

*Before you start a sin-hunt over why a Christian would have severe depression, please remember I’m analytical and start with spiritual things, so I’ll just tell you about that contributing factor: primarily it was my disregard and disobedience to keeping Sabbath over years of time. Imagining that obedience to Christ meant freedom from certain human constraints, I accumulated stressors and wounds that were never given the necessary time and space to heal. Obviously there are many factors, but I’d urge you to keep this risk in mind.

It’s one of my favorite lines in the Christmas hymns:
Long lay the world in sin and error pining, til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

Advent is upon us: the season of waiting.

We wait for some sign of His coming, for some hope the tide is about to turn. We feel creation’s groan. We groan under the weight of this world’s darkness and injustice and pain and despair in all its futile attempts to save itself. We wither in body, in mind, sometimes in hope. We feel our weakness growing and our strength slipping away even as we hear Him call for us to fight the good fight, to seek justice and love mercy and be ministers of reconciliation and light to the world. We wonder how uncertainty and anguish and loss can be the mark of a disciple’s life. We wonder, how long, O God?

But doesn’t it all sound familiar?

Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the Kingdom of God.
Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you will be filled.
Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.
Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude you, revile you, and defame you on account of the Son of Man. Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, for surely your reward is great in Heaven; for that is what their ancestors did to the prophets.

But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation.
Woe to you who are full now, for you will be hungry.
Woe to you who are laughing now, for you will mourn and weep.
Woe to you when all speak well of you, for that is what their ancestors did to the false prophets. – Luke 6:20-26

For in hope we are saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for what a man sees, he does not wait for. – Romans 8:24

When I reflect on 2020, still I mostly see mercy. The severe mercy that tells us the truth about ourselves and our world. That it will fail. We are not in control. We cannot save ourselves or anyone else. At the end of the day, our best was still not good enough. We carry unthinkable bundles of bias, blame, and blasphemy around. Some of us carry it closer to the surface than others, but we’re more than happy to draw it out of each other and light it aflame. (If you want to see a real dumpster fire, just look at the human heart on display through our words and actions. That’s what gives the news most of its headlines. Then take a good long look at that human heart beating in your own chest and what all it’s had to say about its lot in life through 2020.)

If there’s one art form I’ve grown in this year, it’s how to loose and lament. I’ve long been a creator, achiever, pursuer, distributor, developer, contributor, lover, giver, grower, you name it. Productivity, efficiency, and measurable results are not bad things, but they’ll cripple your soul if they get to be the boss. I value planting seeds, but man it turns out I do really want to see the mature fields and the harvest in before year’s end.

I really want to see the fulfillment of the vision God gives. I want to see the absolute hope Jesus accomplished experienced by hearts dying from despair. I want to see redemption celebrated, not lost in the weeds of lies and history that hasn’t been reckoned with. I want to see the type of healing that can’t be shaken or taken flourish in the hearts of God’s beloved whose minds and bodies are racked with disease that won’t give up until it’s taken everything that can be. I want to see the unwelcome dance in the love they can’t diminish. To see the refugee feel the embrace of hospitality, the dying come to eternal life, the full to discover the joy of empty, and the empty to see their God-given preciousness. I want us to know that because God is with us, all shall be well.

Those things are happening, with remarkable and powerful testimony, all around the world. But they’re not always happening in the space I want to see them. This year felt like a lot more loss than gain on the personal level, even in the realm of “God’s work”, assignments He’s given and invitations He’s extended, facets of my life He’d been using in certain ways.

I would argue that loosing is just as valuable as holding when God says the seasons are changing. Pruning (sometimes severely) is investment in next crop’s production, but we do well to remember that He also makes new things. We’re often not supposed to get “back to normal” afterward. I also learned that there are some things He gave me only because He trusted me to hand it back over to Him when He said it was time. When He removes things from me that felt like they were a large piece of my identity, that made me useful (grimacing at that full disclosure of pride), that He even had charged me with caring for… He is reducing me to a potent certainty of His presence in my irrelevance, His reliability in my dissolution, His unmitigated love in my most miserable conditions, and His promise to BE GOD to those I was just telling about Him in the first place. Whether I see the outcome or not.

This process is not painless. Thus, the art of lament. We are charged to pour out our hearts to God. And to be still. To weep and wail, and to endure. To stand our ground, and to take up our cross. To be treated unjustly, and to love mercy. To be misunderstood and to keep serving. We are invited to storm the throne room of Heaven and ask boldly in the powerful name of Jesus for supernatural intervention in the things of this world. And we groan within ourselves while we wait for Him to complete this rescue story with assurance that He will fill every empty space. The more stretched-out we are, and the emptier the rooms of our lives, the more certainly He will fill them when offered to Him.

I think we’re going to have an exceptionally good Christmas. The very fact that every outward circumstance precludes our making provision for it will show whether we can be content with what is truly essential. I used to be very fond of thinking up and buying presents, but now that we have nothing to give, the gift God gave us in the birth of Christ will seem all the more glorious; the emptier our hands, the better we understand… the poorer our quarters, the more clearly we perceive that our hearts should be Christ’s home on earth. -Bonhoeffer, 1943