There are close to 147 million orphans in the world.
That number is hard to grasp… it’s the distance in kilometers from the earth to the sun. It’s a BIG number.
My wife and I knew that God was inviting our family to respond to what were no longer overwhelming statistics, but precious little eyes that just want to see they are loved, and open little hands that need someone’s to hold. In January of 2010 we knew it was time, and we began the process of expanding our happy little family of four (at the time our biological sons were 2 1/2 years and 5 months old).
The international adoption process is sadly — but in many ways necessarily — laden with gross amounts of paperwork, background checks, reports, studies, education, exams and waiting. We felt called to open our home to “waiting children” — those who are older than the 3-5 year range, are part of a sibling set, or have special needs. They are harder to be placed with adoptive families because they are known to typically come with their own set of “larger” issues, as opposed to healthy infants (who need families just as much as waiting children do, but are almost always immediately placed into one). We chose an agency that has a focus on “waiting children”, had our home study completed by a local agency (FTIA), and were ready to see who would join our family next.
When we began our process, we were considering one or two toddlers with possible special health needs. But God always has a bigger plan — our home study approved us for three children up to the age of ten — and the crushing consideration of how to choose was upon us. We waded through lists of names and ages that tore our hearts out; but our first official child referral was for three children no longer even on the lists — three incredible little ones we cannot imagine our family without.
We met our children on paper in March of 2010: Habiba, age 10, Fetya, age 6, and Abebaw, age 2. They didn’t know we existed yet, but they were ours.
In June 2010 we were able to send our kids a “welcome bag” — telling them they have been chosen by a family. We introduced ourselves with letters, photos, a “family t-shirt” and some small gifts. You and I can only imagine the impact that day has on the life of a child living in such circumstances. The photos we received of them in their new family tees are priceless.
After incredible delays with paperwork and a great deal of upheaval in Ethiopia and in our agency, we boarded a plane to Addis Ababa in January 2012 to go to court and legally adopt our daughters and son. It is impossible to describe what it is like to have little arms flung around your neck, though they don’t even know really if you are worthy of their trust and their love. How can you explain what it means to be called “daddy” within a week by a child who has lost everything, but holds enough hope and strength to risk having a “daddy” again? Our visit was only two weeks long, and it held excruciating complications in our court processes, but it cemented our family and left us in awe. Then the hardest part of all — we had to say goodbye.
Our children were forced to wait eight more months before we could be reunited. The wait was suffocating, and the most difficult eight months our family has endured. Still, during that time we saw the redemptive hand of God, who used it to bring forward families to adopt TWO of our children’s dear friends, also “waiting” children who had little hope of being chosen. One of these friends is already home, and the other will be in our community hopefully by Christmas.
And so in September 2012, 21 months after we began the process, we once again landed in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, and snatched our children up into our arms. We would never have to leave them behind again. We struggled through a week in a local guest house where we tried to get to know each other and initiate a parent-child relationship. We picked lice, ate traditional food, shopped for spices and traditional clothes and other Ethiopian memoirs, said goodbyes, took care of official business and came home. The flight from Addis to DC is a grueling 17.5 hours, but when we landed in Indianapolis to be greeted by family and friends who had longed for this day with us, JOY and relief marked the day.
We have been home as a family of seven for five weeks now. The journey to this place has been long and difficult, yet it is still only the beginning. We are working through adjustments, grief, joys, new experiences, language learning, food changes, unfamiliarity. We work through the days with a sense of humor, a tremendous degree of exhaustion — and only by the grace of God. The obstacles our children have and continue to overcome are inconceivable to most of us — and these now 12-, 8- and 4-year-olds are champions of courage, hope, faith and joy. Our days see their share of tears, but they are marked by laughter as well. Most importantly, despite the challenges and grief one must embrace by walking this road, we absolutely know that it is right. There is tremendous peace and security in knowing that we are doing what we are made to do, and that this is not the end. In adoption there is unbearable heartache, but there is redemption, there is healing, there is the realization of faith and there is LIFE.
We recommend it.